Posts Tagged ‘ quitting smoking ’

T’was the night before therapy

…And not a Keith was sleeping.

Well, this Keith is not sleeping. It’s 3 am and of course I am wide awake. My sleep clock is utterly fucked beyond all recognition. I had it fixed for a brief period a couple of weeks back but I promptly fucked it again. I can’t seem to quiet my mind at night. The plan is to try and get to sleep around 8am when I actually get tired, so hopefully I get four hours in before therapy at 2 pm. I don’t want to show up too much of a zombie for my first session.

I don’t even know what the fuck I want to say in this post now. I suppose I am wondering how this whole therapy thing is going to begin, how it will start, will I like my therapist? Will a connection grow? Will I be able to trust her? So many questions, pointless questions, as I’ll be finding out soon enough. I am pretty anxious about it. Jesus I would love a smoke right about now, I gave them up about 2 months ago, been on the Niquitin patches for a while, down to the lowest strength. I have not touched a ciggy in over a month, but Jesus I would smoke the arsehole out of one now. It’s moments like these that really fucking test your resolve to quit. I feel like taking a bunch of the strongest patches and slapping them all across my forehead just to get that nicotine goodness to my brain as quickly as possible… But no, must resist, I am a non-smoker now, as much as it pains me to type that.

Max (Zee dog) Is sprawled out on the floor beside me. I tried nuzzling up to him on my bed but he got fed up with me pretty quickly, I think I am too warm for him so he’s trying to cool off on the floor. Nothing to do but count away the hours now, awash in the familiar glow of my monitor.

Advertisements