Boats do not like Gates.



Today is launch a boat day. I may or may not drown my father depending on my mood. If I actually come back to edit this, then you know I’m not doing 5-10 for second degree murder.


Okay, so the launching of the boat went exactly as I expected it would.


Keep in mind I have been working on this piece of shit boat for over a year on and off, actually it’s closer to two years at this point. Anywho, we leave at 7.30 am with boat in tow, an ungodly hour for an ungodly task, but it must be done because my father is a fucking maniac and this boat is his latest obsession so if I can get the boat to the lake then maybe he’ll sail out in it and fucking drown himself, that’s a bit harsh actually… Maybe sail off and find a little Island to live on so he can no longer bother anyone (Me)


So we arrive at this boat place that sits just off the Shannon river on the old grand canal, it’s 9 am and the gate is closed, fuck. So out I get and search the place until I find this friendly German fellow that lives on his boat there, he has a key card to open this gigantic gate that’s about 5 feet high and about 25 feet long, as it opens my father decides that he won’t wait the extra few seconds it would take to open fully and starts to drive in. The Jeep goes in fine but there is a large boat behind him that’s far wider and it of course clips the corner of the gate as its sliding across, big hole in boat and the gate breaks from its support and falls over with a gigantic crash.


Great start to the day. Normally in these situations my first reaction is to just laugh, because it’s funny, in that cosmic fuck you and all of your efforts kind of way. So much sweat and blood in that boat and in a few short seconds it’s made into a joke. But I had to restrain myself, my father was swaying on the edge of a nervous breakdown, I could see it in his face when he got out of his Jeep to inspect the damage.


A few problems with what just happened.

1) A hole in the boat. Boats and holes don’t really mix, thankfully it was pretty high up on the hull so it could be floated and fixed another day

2) A huge electronic gate has been wrecked and it’s going to be costly to fix

3) This was going to be a long day, much longer than I had originally planned for


So we sit and wait for the owner of the boat club to get in at noon. To my surprise he’s a rather relaxed fellow from Northern Ireland and we inspect the damage together. It can be fixed, by us. My fathers 40+ years of metalwork experience will come in handy so we spend the next 4 hours slowly putting the gate back together with a welder and various other tools. Eventually, with the sun cooking my poor head the whole time, it’s back to a working state that can be closed, so the owner doesn’t have his huge property filled with boats worth millions wide open by the time closing comes in the evening.


Anyway, blah blah blah, boat launched, takes on water because HAHA father switched a switch, little bucket to empty it, takes hours, exhausted, yadda yadda yadda


My hearts not in this





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