My poor cat has died, his kidneys failed and there was nothing to be done, I didn’t recognise the very early signs out of ignorance and now I’ve paid a heavy toll. I took him to the Veterinary clinic earlier today and The Vet told me that the best thing to do was to end his suffering, as he had deteriorated rapidly since last night, so with an overdose injection of anesthetic to the stomach I pulled his dying body into my arms and left for home, he passed silently in my embrace, the light and life leaving his eyes at last. My poor heart is broken, I buried him in the dark, with the wind and rain bashing me as I dug out a hole. One of the hardest things I’ve ever  had to do was place his still warm body into that cold Muddy grave, worst of all it kept filling with water, no matter how much I emptied out the hole, so I had to hold the cat I love so much down into the freezing water of that muddy fucking hole until it filled him and kept him down. The tears fall thick and heavy now, the only creature in the world I was capable of showing genuine affection to has left me, I’m sorry Wilbur, I failed you.

I’m fucking sick of these dark thoughts, these words. Fuck everything.

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