Archive for July, 2008

One Hundred and Thirty Thousand Reasons to be afraid.

Trim, County Meath, Ireland.

3.30pm, Thursday, 3rd July, 2008

I stepped out of the bank onto the wet pavement as crowds of people milled past, hurrying to wherever they needed to be to avoid getting overly wet, it’s raining, obviously. My father stood beside me as we looked up and down the narrow street for traffic, suddenly it was too late… I spotted him at the last instant, this hooded man who stood out from the crowd with singular intent, to get to me… Raising an arm that clutched a shotgun with its barrel sawn off to deliver maximum carnage at minimum range, I looked into his eyes in that brief moment before the smoky flash… He didn’t seem to care about my life, no compassion in those cold dead and dark eyes, his face contorted into a mask of self induced rage he obviously had to work himself into to even get this far, it’s a shame, I would have just handed it to him, all that mattered was the paper… Just bits of paper in the bag wrapped over my shoulder, some fuck working in the bank must have set this up, it was the only place a leak could have materialized.

Anyway… I’ve just been Shot and I fall backwards ever so softly… Or at least it seems that way, my chest perforated with hundreds of little soft lead balls that have flattened and surely shredded my internal organs, I don’t feel it though, I know I should be wailing in agony and demanding medical treatment but it’s wonderfully calm actually. I should get shot and die more often, won’t be long now, that mysterious nothingness is all that awaits me… I see the hooded stranger take off down the street, his shotgun leaving a smoky wake as he darts and bulls his way through a crowd of panic, bag in hand. It’s a funny angle, watching his escape as my head rests on the cold wet pavement, Is that blood? Ah yes.. My blood, shock is a wonderful thing, I wonder do a lot of violent deaths end this way when the victim has time to kill before expiring? Is it calm? Soundless? A comforting examination of the events as they play out in slow motion? But yeah…. There goes my blood, mixing with the rain water as it leaks out onto the street. It looks really bad, I really don’t think I’m bleeding THAT badly, the dilution effect.. It has to be, I strain to tell those that approach that it’s just a trick, blood always looks worse mixed with water, but no words come out… Just blood as it seeps out of the sides of my mouth, bubbling through red teeth. They must be scared, they crowd around me now, serious strained faces shouting and gesturing wildly in every which direction… Someone is on the phone, don’t bother, there is no time.

A serious case of day dreaming I have going on at the moment, Yes indeed. Why was I day dreaming about being shot walking out of a bank? Well I was in one at the time of said oddly disturbing day dream, helping my father withdraw a large sum of money, the exact amount is not entirely relevant to this particular blog, but let’s just say it was enough to make me jump away into my imagination and dream about shoot outs at Midday in sleepy town Trim. So what really happened? We waited in an office, sitting in uncomfortable silence with one of the clerks until finally in came the bank manager with the cash, which I spirited into a carry bag and placed over my shoulder… So far so easy.

After much blabbing and small talk pleasantry nonsense I plaster on a fake smile and we both say our goodbyes to the staff…Who I don’t like. I don’t think I like any bank staff, how could you work with all of those huge piles of cash and not try to steal it? I just don’t get it, is it not everyone’s dream to pull off the perfect heist and swing in a hammock whilst smoking opium  as the self proclaimed King of some third world country backed by a band of Mercenary thugs? Am I alone on that one?.
But anyway the nervy part had arrived. People are always wishing for more Money, “I wish I had more money my life would be fucking great, yay hurrah blah blah blah” and all that jazz, but let me tell you… Imagine walking through a town with a large amount of money on you, it never feels quite right… Because you know that on the street with you there is a certain percentage of people who, if circumstances permitting, would take that money from you out of sheer greed, having it makes you paranoid… You’re looking at little girls walk by you and double checking to see if they pull out an uzi machine gun at your back to fill you full of lead… It’s possible you know, you could train them to do that.
But yes.. walking out of the bank, my favourite uncle was waiting for us. I  walked between them as they flanked me, this part I like. I’ve never had bodyguards before, It’s reassuring to know you have these walking bags of meat to slow down a few bullets for you when the shit hits the fan… It was raining but the streets were busy, just like my daydream… But no lunatic with shotgun to end me where I stood thankfully, so anyway we’re walking, nearing the waiting Jeep when I spot this really really attractive woman coming towards us… I mean one of those Gob smacking beauties that give you that just been slugged in the gut feeling when you lay eyes on them. She looked like Eva Green, that wonderful actress in the new Bond Movie… shame she died in that movie actually, at the end she drowns, very convincing little death I might add, but anyway… back on course.

I’m so Smitten by her beauty that I stupidly let my guard down, it was a set up of course, and me like a trained monkey fell for it, beautiful girl, guard down, oldest trick in the book you fool! Before I even had time to cry like a little girl She’s taken out a silenced small calibur firearm and is blazing wildly at my father and favourite uncle.

*Lights Smoke*

So Yes… This is terrible, my father and favourite uncle have just been gunned down in front of my eyes, they drop like sacks of rocks on either side of me. ‘Damn… You cowardly bitch, did you have to kill my favourite uncle?’  I Exclaimed in a really smart arse annoying even by my own standards manner, holding my hands up as she points the handgun at me, a sly grin creeping across her face, indicating to me that she’s not only ruthless, but sadistic… What a combo! Anywho, eventually she opens her yapper and starts flapping her beautiful lips about me setting the money down on the ground and taking a step back, I would be spared, all the usual bullshit, I was unafraid as I held my ground, the rain pattering around us, quietly but confidently offering up a compliment ‘You have the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen… Wild eyes’ Which seems like a strange thing to say when two immediate family members have just been shot down in front of you and it’s looking like you’re next, but hey… We all realize at this point that I’m day dreaming again… So I can make this as strange as I like.

But back to her reaction, she didn’t like it… My smart arse comment that is, I figured that out as soon as my kneecap exploded after she shot it, I fall to my knees and make a wonderfully dramatic wailing painful screech that trails off into a bored monotone bleargh sound, one suitable for the horrific occasion. It’s raining still… I drop the bag with the money in front of me, she’s approaching now as her gun remains trained upon my forehead… Cold dripping steel pressing against my skull as she arrives to collect her bounty, leaning down with that same grin… Unchanged since it’s arrival, letting me get a perfect view of those small perky tits. What a sadistic bitch, I was almost turned on, fuck it, I was turned on, save for the fact that she thought nothing of ending my life, that’s definitely a barrier to arousal in that respect, so yes… What am I thinking? I can’t just die here in this day dream, I did that in the last one, I want to win this one, I’ve decided… So as soon as her beautiful little greedy fingers are on the bag I launch myself upwards whilst grabbing for the gun, a ballsy play I hear you say. Indeed… and it paid off.. I managed to deflect the aim of the pistol as it fired, continuing upwards as I use my head to crack her one right on the chin.
She’s out cold in an instant, her body falling back to the hard concrete below, a loud wet slap as it comes to a halt. What a shame, In another day dream… we could have been friends doll face, maybe even lovers. I pick the pistol up and aim it at her pretty unconscious face, but I don’t kill her, I want the good guy who is too big hearted to seek revenge ending this time,  so I toss the hand cannon aside along with the evil money. Good Riddance I say, climbing into the back of the Jeep I originally intended to get into in the first place.

My Father and uncle are waiting for me Impatiently in the front seats, there was no attractive lady or murder or anything else exciting for that matter. Just a boring old walk from the bank to a car in the rain. I think I like my world better.