Give the dog a bone.


“Heart, of what is it yer made?
It’s blood, and blood can be remade
I cut you, and looked into your veins
Blood, the blood is just the same as the mans
… Oh heart, please don’t get bitter”  -Simple Kid

I made a new friend, it’s not often I do…. It’s been a long time since I’ve made one that I’ve actually kept, I still have my Companeros, my Amigos, they know who they are… From the early years, I hope this will always be the case, I think it will, I have that feeling, I hope they know that I will back them to whatever diabolical end we must face, should the need ever arise, ask anything of me… but I digress… Back to my new friend.

She lives on the other side of the planet, Canada to be exact. You may at this point ask how you can possibly befriend someone who is just text to you on a screen, but believe me, you can get to know the real meat of someone when you take every other equation out of the Social book other than the communication one. She is very like me, it is kind of disturbing actually, I thought I was a one of a kind mutant for a while, so I’m both disturbed at my own loss of uniqueness but also strangely heartened by the fact that I’m not as isolated in my thinking as I thought I was, contradictions have been a consistent theme of late, this new friend is no different.

Keep in mind that when I describe aspects of this new friend, I am also describing aspects of myself, such is the uncanniness of the resemblance. She is a wounded creature, isolated in many ways… Partly her own doing, but also partly the fault of this too hard world crushing the goodness out of us all with it’s divisive cruel ways… Good souls struggle in this world, to live a kind life takes a lot of strength when the world around you rewards callousness and the betterment of yourself over your fellow man. The human heart can only take so much beating before it retreats, shrinks, hardens and ultimately protects itself by becoming the very thing that has abused it so savagely, I hope this doesn’t happen to my new friend, I would like to help prevent that in any way I could, I hope I have the strength to finally stand on my two legs and hold against the tide, I feel it rising… I live in hope

This next part will make sense only to one person, so for the rest of you, your confusion will mark you out… Feel free to skip.

The wild dog… separated from man..returns to its primitive state… Fearful of the hand it once enjoyed softly upon it’s brow, or in the case of many… The hand that cast it out into the wild… Like you said Jen, when confronted with man again the wild dog will stand aloof… Mistrusting the intentions yet longing for the affection that grows as it inches closer. Perhaps waging the bone and coaxing its attention is the wrong thing to do…What if you were to fall to your hands and knees… Looking the animal straight in the eyes without showing fear, as they sense these things… It might evoke a different reaction… Beat your fist into the ground and say without words, in a single look… That you are just like it and it is just like you and the only reward you can give is the company you also crave.

Just a thought, you have to throw these things out there.. Again… I’ve not gone Mad(der)… One of you at least will understand the above, that is good enough for me.

In other more shitty news, Hugh has been taken into hospital with a collapsed lung… Not good. I don’t know if he will ever have the strength to leave the hospital again. I hope so, as I feel I’ve not communicated myself to him in the way that I fully wanted to (Story of my fucking life) I don’t want him to leave this world without me understanding that core thought I know resides at the centre of his being, we’ve been dancing around each other in conversation, getting to know each other better, figuring each other out, though I suspect he’s far ahead in that game, cunning mind that he is. My brother Alan will also be out of hospital soon, hopefully back on his feet… I have only visited him once so far, but mainly because I know he doesn’t want me there now, seeing him in that way… Which is sort of a relief, because it is hard. No other major news. I’m going to Galway next week to see my Companeros for a day or two… Which I badly need, I must confess, it will be good to get together with the gang again… Laugh… Get fucked up and forget our troubles for a while.

Ciao for Now

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